How Do I Keep From Feeling Like the Forgotten Partner?

I would like to share a blog written by one of our Advisory Team members on a subject we all struggle with as Pastors’ wives:

First I have to ask who do you think forgets about you?

Is it God? He doesn’t ever forget you!

Is it the people you lead? They usually forget you!

Is it your spouse? He rarely means to forget you!

Over the past 14 years I’ve wrestled with all of these questions some more prominent at times than others.  I’ve sat in church wondering if God could see me hurting, wondering if He saw I had no way to serve Him because it had all been taken away by people I saw as more capable than me, wondering if it even mattered. 

The truth is He could see me!  The truth is He was leading me to another place that I would not go unless I was more humble, more willing and a better leader.  God was moving me in the direction of a different kind of service. A kind of serving where I enable others is a much better fit for my spiritual gifts than I ever imagined.  I thought all I’d ever do was sing and teach.  It turns out that I can, He just wanted more and without those being taken away, I couldn’t see it.

The people you lead will mostly forget about you because of their own lives taking priority to them.  You must accept a certain part of this and be okay with it!  They are not in any sort of covenant to love you or protect you.  No other person is responsible for your joy; you are responsible for that part of your relationship with God. The sooner you own it and quit expecting others to bring you joy the better off you’ll be.  Which brings me to the last question.

Does your husband forget about you?  After all they are supposed to love us like Christ loves the church.  Yet they are human.  Hummm, I’m well aware that my husband is human, how about you? 

My best recommendation for this is a little rare… I actually read a series of books about men in the Bible.  There are 5 very small books written by Francine Rivers.  These books are not about the great men of the Bible. They are however; about their sidekicks.  See I like to think that I’m Brian’s greatest sidekick.  I’m the friendly lady when he’s too tired to talk, I’m the encourager when he forgets how far God has brought us, and I make him laugh which can be essential on some days!  They are called:

Sons of Encouragement Series by Francine Rivers

You might want to check them out too… prayers for all pastor’s wives…


About Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for 39 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

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