The number one key when working through relational conflict

Posted by | February 11, 2015 | For Pastors, Latest Blog, Personal Life | No Comments

By Rick Thomas (Guest Blogger)

Key Takeaway – If you do not have genuine affection for the person you disagree with, it would be best not to engage them in a disagreement. The first step in relational communication is genuine affection for the other person.

What kind of person is easier for you to engage in a disagreement? Someone you have genuine affection for or someone you have less affection for? Here are a few characteristics of a person in which you have genuine affection:

  1. You are more willing to listen to them than speak to them – James 1:19
  2. You regularly pray for them – 1 Corinthians 1:4
  3. Your speech builds them up – Ephesians 4:29
  4. You quickly repent when you are harsh to them – Proverbs 15:1
  5. You are quick to guard your tongue so you do not hurt them – Psalm 141:3
  6. You speak wisdom to them so you can serve them – Proverbs 16:23
  7. You are selective in your speech so you do not sin against them – Proverbs 10:19
  8. You carry them in your heart – 1 Thessalonians 1:3-4

If you genuinely care for another human being, then you can lovingly disagree and problem solve with them. If you cannot disagree or problem-solve, then the first place to diagnose the problem is in your heart, not with the other person.

Out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. – Luke 6:45 (ESV)

What comes out of your mouth toward the other person reveals your heart attitude toward them. Do not gloss over this point. If you are unkind, harsh, stubborn, mean-spirited, crude, or any other unloving speech pattern toward another person, then your heart is broken and needs restoring (Galatians 6:1-2).

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Rick is an author, speaker, consultant, and podcaster. He has been training in the Upstate of South Carolina since 1997. After several years as a counselor and pastor he founded and launched his own training organization in order to encourage and equip people for more effective living. In the early ’90’s he earned a BA in Theology. He then earned a BS in Education. In 1993 he was ordained into Christian ministry and in 2000 he graduated with a MA in Counseling. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow with ACBC. Today his organization reaches people around the world through consulting, training, writing, and speaking.

About Ron Cook

Ron and his wife Rodetta have been married 39 years. They have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. Ron ministers to hundreds of pastors annually through mentorship, counseling and by phone. He has been a Pastor for 39 years and understands the stress of ministry, and wants to share his longevity in ministry with other pastors and help them finish well.

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