The Loneliness of a Pastor’s Wife

Posted by | October 05, 2020 | Balance, Loneliness, Pastors' Wives | No Comments

I believe one of the hardest titles anyone can have is that of a pastor’s wife. We are in a category all of our own for sure. The stress and loneliness can only be understood from another pastor’s wife. Many times we just suffer in silence. One of our pastors’ wives recently wrote a short blog that many of you could have written yourself, but I wanted to share it with you in hopes you would feel comfortable sharing it with others through social media. Our church members need to understand how hard our title really is.

Please cut your pastor’s wife some slack. They are in a category all by themselves. They want you to only see their best side. They desperately want to fill in the gaps of their husband’s weaknesses, but many times fall short in that attempt. They want to be everything to everyone and that is not attainable.

Their family is not perfect. Their kids are like everyone else’s kids. They face many struggles in life that you face. Many of them are very lonely. They need a couple strong, trusting relationships in or outside of the church, but too often people don’t really want that. They like the thought of it, but they don’t think they can really be themselves around a pastor’s wife. So they back away.

The pastor’s wife may be resistant to close relationships as well, because of hurt and betrayal from friends in the past. If she is a mystery to you it’s because you haven’t been persistent in befriending her. Take her out to lunch or for coffee (just don’t do it so you can lovingly tell her everything that’s wrong with her husband and the Church). Ask her to go to a movie or shopping. She needs some one-on-one time with someone who is safe and genuine. Someone who will not judge her or place high expectations on her. She needs a confidante who will listen and understand. Someone who doesn’t gossip or try to get inside information. Someone to laugh with, share life with. Someone she can relate to. Someone who will love her for her.

— Christy

We are here to walk with you on this ministry journey!

About Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

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